My dear sweet Elle is challenging me lately as well as my serious little Rylan. I'm feeling stretched beyond stretchable with these two. I'm finding myself drawn to spending time with Blake as her needs are easy to meet. The "big" kids often break my heart and leave me feeling discouraged that I have no idea what I'm doing. I fully admit I am distracted with the job search for Kenny far too often, so I know that plays into the misbehavior happening in our house. Rylan and Elle are so different thus parenting them isn't the same and it seems like my skills as a parent are are far from adequate. I'm trying to be wise in the way I guide and correct them versus just reacting out of frustration, but I'm at a loss, what do I do when nothing works??? They are a priceless beautiful gift and I will be eternally grateful for them I just don't know how to keep from wishing away thedays because I know I'll miss it when they are older. I am the queen of lists-to do, grocery, dinners, playdates, birthdays, things to do with the kids, etc...I miss my husband, I miss sleep, I miss taking my time to get somewhere, I miss them being babies that didn't talk back or tell me they don't like me or to get away. How terrible is it that I long to run, shower or have Cotton Candy work just so I only have one thing to focus on and it doesn't involve being little beings?! If I had to write an ad for my job it would read as this: 3 gorgeous babes in need of one extra patient energetic mom with octopus arms to be a referee, janitor, cook, driver, personal assistant, storyteller, stylist, photographer, activities director, entertainer, nurse, laundress, and various other duties as assigned.
Now, I do love the honor of mother, just having one of those days I suppose, and the way I keep from laying on the ground and having a meltdown is to turn on my favorite Pandora station and peck away as fast as my overly tired hands will let me. Here I pretend I can sing perfectly, share my heart openly, and be more than I am....aaaahhhh if only I wasn't pretending. I've tried journaling and it became a chore and I don't need any more of those. So what do I need??? Time maybe??? A good babysi
tter? Probably both. I'll end with this, I hope that regardless of how I feel these bad days, that my children grow into healthy, respectful, responsible, loving adults that remember a fun sentimental childhood. If they come home from school on holidays and actual want to spend time with me I will have succeeded.
Give me patience when little hands
tug at me with small demands.
Give me gentle words and smiling eyes
a
nd keep my lips from sharp replies.
So in years to come when my house is still
beautiful memories its rooms may fill.
