Last baby?

This is the great debate...To say I'm torn is an understatement. It's hard to imagine these being the last few weeks of my entire life that I will feel a little wiggle babe growing inside my belly, but being completely honest, most days have been challenging physically, mentally, and sometimes both. I will freely admit I dwell on and over think things far too often. I am borderline obessesed with the it, like I have to have a decision made the second I walk out of the hospital new baby in tow. As much as I like the "idea" of a large family, I'm not sure we are those people. I don't necessarily feel done but I am much much more open to it now then right after Elle was born, although I do remember saying during or right after delivery "...I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!...", yet here we are again and now I find myself undecided, maybe if the labor and delivery included pain relief and baby did not have to have light treatment for jaundice and we fell into a fortune, and Kenny had a regular work schedule, and at least one was in school, and and and....see what I mean. How will I ever decide??? I guess ultimately it is out of my hands because like this baby, if there is another Pulliam meant to be in this world from my womb, it's gonna happen prepared, planned, "prevented" or not...I guess I'll leave it at this, we will revisit this topic next year. I've told myself however many children we have when I'm thirty, that's all we'll have. So when December 11,2012 comes, the eve of my 31st birthday, the last day of being 30- I'll have made a decision, either I will be pregnant or Kenny will be headed to the doctor :)